Ambiguity is a Beautiful Thing.

Reality showed up on my doorstep a few weeks ago with a bad attitude and rolled up Sunday edition of the New York Times. It smacked me around for a while before it sat me down for a nice long chat that lasted…a few weeks. When it left without closing the door (no one said reality had any manners) I was left to my own devices but with the gem of having grown a little wiser, a little older, and with a bit more resolve.

It is a known fact that I am drowning in student loan payments. This is not something I try to hide behind or use as an excuse. It is something that I, and many of you, have to deal with. Unfortunately the enormity of my education debt feels like a giant anchor. The things that we would all really like to do are lying just beyond our reach. It is the things that we can reach, maybe with a little stretch that we can use to destroy the locks around our ankles and finally extend. What am I talking about? Nothing really, I just like metaphors. Kidding.

I’ve been living in a sort of dream world it seems. I discovered that I will have student loan payments until the ripe old age of 44. Bam. Kapow. How does that taste? Like crap. There are plenty of things that I need to do before I hit 44. I am not going to sit by as my life becomes a supporting role to Sallie Mae and Nelnet. No no, this will not do. It was with some starry eyes that I have dreamt of flying aerobatic competitions and putting everything I had into blissfully ignoring the fact that the rest of the world does not care how noble your goal is. It wants its money. Now, kid.

I’ve been thinking about this non-stop for weeks. I have tried several times to put this into some sort of a blog entry. I chose Inverted Journey as the title for a few reasons. Inverted is an obvious reference to flying upside down. The sensation of flying in that attitude is one that you cannot describe. It happens fast. The Earth is not where it should be. It is confusing and uncomfortable. This whole process of working towards a dream is a journey. The choices I’ll make. The good days, the bad days and the even the days where my motivation has tanked and the only thing I can resort to doing is sitting on the couch watching Field of Dreams. I’ve got my first competition under my belt. I’ve barely begun this journey. But, I am able to look at with sharper eyes now and see with greater clarity what I need to do.